The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings enormous significance and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to very difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .

However when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" find more information They most likely wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that much of his customers have actually fallen click here for info into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay males wish to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

North includes, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow with time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex her latest blog Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

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