The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).

B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and nearness check my blog .

When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that numerous of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Many gay men desire to discover from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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